Thursday, July 12, 2007

my personal experience

I always like to tell everyone my own "unusual" or rather mind-opening experience that happened to me not long before I was diagnosed with CML.

I met a patient who was reasigned to me (since the original surgeon in-charged was abroad for further study) for a problem of infected nonunion of tibia (leg) fracture. On top of that he also had a lymphoma (a kind of lymph node cancer) diagnosed before he had an accident. Not like other patients that I used to treat, he, somehow had catched my attention a lot. Eventhough, I started to forget his full name, I can still clearly remember his face, the way he concerned over his illness and how passionate he was to get fully recovered.

Day by day, the lymphoma had burdened and further weakened his body and being the surgeon in charged of his leg problem, my hands were tied and I couldn't do much procedure or surgery which I had planned earlier. Everytime a surgery was planned, his condition did not allow especially after his diagnosis was revised to an advanced acute promyelocytic leukemia. I started to emphatized deeply on him and started to pray that his leg condition will get better even without surgery, so that he can concentrate on the other more important illness that he was suffering from. Yes, God is Great. Somehow the fracture united and the infected wound healed. But, that was the last day that I saw him lying helplessly beside his tearful mother. (I almost broke down for that very moment). He was still able to smile at me and said thankful to God because his fractured leg had united. He knew that he will be going soon and expressed his thankful to me. I left the ward speechless and trying to put myself in his shoes and how bad the feeling will be if I am the one. I left it to the God, knowing that He is always Great and I did pray that he will be blessed by Him. I did not want to know when and where did he passed away since it was too hurtful. (For muslims- AlFatihah)

So, when I was striked by my own leukemia, again, I praised to God. Still in the state of denial and disbelieved, I felt that I should not questioned Him on why He has choosen me to have this illness.

1 comment:

arsaili said...

salam doc..tearful entry..really sad.